Well it feels good to be back on here writing again let me tell you. Last April was my last post and some of you might have been wondering what the hell I have been doing this last year, and well... I was growing a human. I decided to take a break from blogging because I know I would want to talk about my experience and excitement, but it was scary to write about due to some people in my life at that time and their feelings about pregnancy. Although now that I have gone through it, I regret not writing on here to share my amazing experience with you all. I know this blog is about my fitness journey, but I feel that all my hard work the year prior was the reason I had the experience I did. I totally believe that God has plans for all of us, good or bad. So here is what he planned for me.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 was the day I found out I was going to be a mother. My husband and I had been married for 1.5 years at the time and have been wanting to have a baby since we got married. I have taken probably 20 tests over that time thinking "this month is the month" when really it was just another let down. So my mind going into this test was set for another disappointment. Except it was positive and I was freaking out...in a good way!
The news was a huge mix of emotions. I was so incredibly excited, but the second thought that came into my mind was how I was suppose to tell someone close to me that I was pregnant. She had just gone through something major, and I couldn't get over the fact that I had to tell her my news. I knew that she would be happy for me, but it was still so new and fresh, that I knew she couldn't be happy for me right then. And that was OK with me. What I had not planned on, was her ending our friendship 5 months later. It seriously was the worst break up I have ever been through, but after months of crying and arguing, I now look back and know it was whats best and I wish her the best in life.
Even though there was so much sadness and a couple relationships lost, I gained amazing friendships! When you get pregnant It really is a whole other world. People you may not have talked to in a while reach out to you and I loved that! That is what made it easier to get through day by day. I really loved my pregnancy. Like maybe people thought I was a little weird, but I did. I am a huge believer that you pave your own path of happiness. If you go into things happy and positive, you come out happy and positive. DUH! Granted, I was super lucky and did not have any morning sickness. The thing that I hated the most about pregnancy was that everyone was so negative about it. It's like people want you to be miserable because they were. I hated when people would tell me "OH JUST YOU WAIT..." Ugh seriously, wait for what? The world to end? I am still waiting on some of the shit people would tell me to wait on. "Oh just you wait...you will be puking soon enough" Nope, Next..."Oh just you wait...you won't be cycling after 2nd trimester" Ha! You were wrong! I just never understood why women weren't allowed to enjoy their pregnancy. Yeah the tiredness was a battle and for me the weight gain was hard at first, but in the long run, I am pregnant for at least 40 weeks, might as well make the best of it! That I did, and now I am not dreading it for next time!
I decided a long time ago that I would like to try having a midwife. Because my GYNO was not an OB she did recommend me to another colleague of hers and I decided to see her first and then tour the birthing center just to keep my options open. This is where people, including my husband, thought I was crazy. No one around me had gone with midwifery except my mom and aunt back in the 80s. All, except one person that I knew, had births with drugs or IVs involved, or emergency C-Sections. So there was a lot of judgement, both good and bad, but I knew what I wanted.
My first appointment with the Doctor was not what I expected. It wasn't with the doctor, only the nurse for a pre-OB workup. Well I am a girl who will base my feelings on a person by the first impression they give. Usually if my gut is telling me this isn't going to work, I go with it, and since I had to be with this nurse and doctor for 10 months, I had to make sure I felt good. Well, it wasn't. The nurse gave my husband and I the weirdest vibe. She was late and as new parents we had a few questions, but because she was short on time she said she had to go to another room and gave us the reference book and left. I decided to meet the doctor before just dropping out and finding another OB. When we went in for that appointment we decided to give the nurse another chance. Well it wasn't any better, even though I loved the doctor, I just couldn't go there every month with someone who made me feel stupid for being a first time mom. So the next day we toured the birth center.
At first my husband did not want to do the birth center, because he was scared of not having access to a "doctor". Afterwards he was sold. We loved the feel and flow of things there and everyone was welcoming. It never felt like a clinic to me. I loved the idea of giving birth in a room that looked like an actual bedroom. No monitors or beeps and people coming in and out. I also loved that every visit I had was with a different midwife so when D-Day came I knew exactly who would be delivering my child. Especially because I was due near Christmas time, and most doctors take vacations, and I just didn't want to take the risk of not having my OB. It was so easy to choose after the tour. Knowing that I was low risk and my baby was growing well, we decided this was what we both wanted and more importantly what was more comfortable for me!
The reason I wanted to write about my experience, is because most people really don't understand it or know about it. Again, this is MY experience and I know not everyone will have things that go well and I understand that. Everyone has a story, some good, some bad, and mine was just amazing!
My first appointment was easy, because at the tour, they pretty much tell you and show you how things are done. So every appointment I knew I would be checking in and heading straight for the bathroom. On the counter there are dixie cups, pens, a sticky note pad, and urine test strips. Also there are directions on what to do and a little clock ticking next to the sink. It's simple, you take the cup, pee in it, take a test strip and dip it in and wait 30 seconds and read your glucose level, then another 30 seconds and read your nitrate and protein levels. You write it on your sticky note, then head out to the scale and weigh yourself, then have a seat. I loved being able to do things on my own. It kept me alert on what was happening with me. When I got into the room, the nurse took my blood pressure and then recorded everything in my chart. My midwife that day would come in and ask how things are going, then would measure my belly. The thing I loved the most was I got to hear the heart beat every single visit! It never got old. My visits would last me about 30 minutes total.
Gender Reveal
So my appointments never were super exciting until my 20 week ultrasound of course and then towards the end there was a lot more action. We had only two ultrasounds, one at 12 weeks to confirm and then of course the 20 week ultrasound to make sure the baby was growing right and of course to find out the gender. After getting all set on the table our tech puts the wand on my belly and right away my husband saw it was a boy! She of course didn't confirm that until after checking the size and heart making sure everything was growing the way it should have been. Then she asked if we want to know the gender...I don't think you can get any clearer than this:
Now, this is our first baby and I wanted to make sure we did all the hoopla and crazy fun stuff, so we wanted to do a gender reveal party. Again, judgement appears out of every direction, but we didn't give a rats ass what people thought. I think a baby should be celebrated as much as possible and we wanted to share the news with our closest friends and family! We did a photo shoot with my best friend before we knew and did a pink and blue balloon release, so it would be a complete surprise to everyone. We also decided to tell our moms before the big party, because it would be really hard to keep it a secret from them all day until the party. We met up for lunch and since we knew the manager, they had made drinks for the table to announce we were having a boy.
The name we chose was the name I have been wanting for years, but my husband didn't know about it at first. So we both thought of Dylan until we went to the ultrasound and both thought Brayden was definitely what we wanted. His middle name is Joe after my husband's grandfather who had past when he was young. I loved the flow of the name and sounded way better than Dylan Joe.
We wanted to have a low key reveal party, so we went to a pizza parlor and had great company! I had made pink bows for those who thought it was going to be a girl, and mustaches for those who thought boy. It was fun to see people get excited for us and for Brayden.
Baby Shower
I can't even tell you how amazing my shower was. I am such a lucky girl to have a mother like I have and friends like I have. It was filled with so much love and excitement. I was looking forward to so many things, but the cradle that my dad was making me was the one gift I was looking forward to the most. His talent is just amazing and yes I cried. If you ever need any wood work done check out is Facebook page HERE
After the shower it was game on. I felt like time was flying and I couldn't believe it was a countdown with 10 weeks to go. Brett and I decided to do the birthing classes and breast feeding class that the midwifery hosts. I will let you know so many people told me those classes would be a waist of my time, but that was the best decision we made. We did 5 weeks worth of classes and every time I went I felt more and more ready to go through the labor and delivery. They went over the process and what to expect, and also went over great options for your labor support. People didn't believe me when I said I wasn't scared to give birth. I was anxious and I think the great pregnancy I was having made it less scary to be honest.
Starting at 37 weeks, I began to take Primrose Oil, which my midwife said would help soften things and it is also known to help you stretch easier. By the time I hit 38 weeks, I was so ready to have this baby, my head was about to explode. 38 weeks was the time I stopped teaching my cycle classes mainly because I was so sure I was going to have him early. Hahaha... that was not the case. I literally tried every way possible to naturally induce myself. I s tarted with Raspberry Leaf tea, which actually made my mucus plug fall out. (Sorry guys if you are reading) Well, nothing was happening (as far as contractions or labor pains) so my mom told me about Castor Oil. I took 1.5 ounces of that at 39 weeks...nothing! (Icky..I can still taste it) At 40 weeks, I was out of work and full time trying to work on getting consistent contractions. In my mind, I NEEDED to get this baby out this week because if I carried over 41 weeks I could not have a birth center experience. I did not want to have him in the hospital! So, every night I was bouncing on my yoga ball and taking warm relaxing baths. I also took Castor Oil, AGAIN, but this time took 2 ounces, then 4 ounces 2 days later. That was the worst experience I have ever had, and it did nothing, AGAIN! I went on a mission to find pure jasmine oil, because I heard if you inhaled it, it should kick start labor, HA! I found out at 40 weeks that I was 80-90% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated. So I knew things were moving just slowly. My midwife also tried a sweep, but it's easier at 2 cm so she said we would do another one in a week if it didn't work.
Once I hit 41 weeks, I just had to come to terms that I was having this baby in the hospital, and I can still have the natural birth I wanted. I went hiking twice, ate a fresh ripe pineapple, and stimulated my nipples until I got so annoyed, I just gave up. I decided to just wait until my appointment and hoped that I was dilated enough to have a membrane sweep.
January 5, 2015: Labor Day
I went into my 41 week appointment (9 days after my due date) and did my final specimen. They took me into a room with a bed and monitor for a stress test. I had one band around my belly to monitor my contractions, and one for the baby's heartbeat. After she saw everything was perfect and that I had enough fluids, she did an exam. She said I was still about 90% effaced and 2.5 cm dilated. When she did the membrane sweep she said she got it stretched to 3 cm. She also noticed my water sac was weighted and said if he didn't come today then the next couple days for sure. I left feeling super crampy, which was different from the first sweep.
My mom was with me, and we had plans to have lunch and take a trip down to Cottage Grove to meet someone about buying a play pin. We had lunch at a yummy diner, and I swear I ate like it was my last meal. (little did I know) By the time I got home, I was still crampy and tired and decided to take a nap.
3:23 pm-ish, I woke up feeling like I had to pee...kind of felt like I was starting to, actually, and as I stood up I felt a gush and ran to the bathroom. The first thing I did was call my hubby, then my mom, then the midwife. My water broke! I was so freaking excited that this was finally happening! I got in the bath right away and waited for my hubby to come home. My mom and hubby came home and picked up the house and did some laundry while I sat on my yoga ball and did a puzzle. Haha!
My contractions started shortly after my water broke. I stayed on the ball for a little bit, but as they were getting more and more intense I was trying to find a comfortable position. I tried being on all fours, and laying on the couch, but the more intense they got, the more uncomfortable I was getting. When you have a midwife they tell you to give them a call when you get to 4:1:1. That means you have 1 minute long contractions every 4 minutes in an hour. Around 6 pm-ish, I was having about 30-45 second contractions every 5 minutes when we called her the first time. Since I was still able to talk during a contraction she said she really wanted me to get at least 3 in a row that were 1 minute long. I finally found a position on my side, facing the back of the couch, with my left leg propped up on the back of it. Haha. Every contraction started getting more intense and my mom kept saying "I think we should go". I kept saying, "did we hit a minute? No, OK, it's not time".That was until I had the most intense contraction, then my hubby called her. She said it was time cause I was moaning so loud she could hear me in the background. My hubby helped me up and out to the car.
As we were walking out to the car, my damn cat ran out and so I was in the car having contractions while my mom, my husband, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law tried to get her back in the house. Honestly, in the moment, I was getting irritated because I just wanted to go. The car was so uncomfortable, and I was having super intense contractions. I know they knew I would be freaking out about her later so I am glad they got her. The car ride itself seemed like forever! Contraction after contraction, and we even had to pull over off the freeway because I felt nauseous. After not throwing up, I think my husband was freaking out inside, but doing a really great job not showing it. Poor guy was driving fast, but trying to keep it under control because every bump and turn had me even more uncomfortable.
We had finally arrived at the hospital around 10:30 pm and I still wasn't nervous. I am pretty sure at this point in my labor there was no way I really could be. I just remember seeing my brother there at the entrance of the hospital with a gift bag. I could have freaked him out a little because I was in active labor at this point and not really caring too much that he brought a gift for the baby. Haha! I don't think he was prepared to see me like that and in that much pain. We got all checked in and on the way up to the floor they handled all the paper work and questions, which was great because once I got settled in my room I would most definitely not want to answer questions.
Everyone asks you who you are having in the room with you during delivery. At first I only wanted my mom and husband in there along with my photographer. After thinking about it, I asked my mother-in-law and my grandma if they wanted to be in there to see the babe born also. I knew the people there would not be all up in my business so I was fine with everything, but I am a modest person in some ways, so at first when my midwife asked me to remove my bottoms, I was a little hesitant. Not only was my mother-in-law there, but my hubby's grandmother was in there also. I remember I was sitting on a yoga ball leaning over the bed, and I had my mom cover my backside with a towel. The midwife checked to see how dilated I was, which was 7 cm! I then told my midwife I needed to vomit. I threw up in two of those blue bags during a contraction and that's when I knew I hit transition, and at that point could care less who was in the room. So I had my hubby, mom, grandmother, mother-in-law, one of my best friends and my midwife.
After getting past throwing up, I wanted to try the tub. Trying to get me there was, what felt like, a long task. I would take a few steps, then would have a contraction, a couple more steps and another contraction. When I finally made it to the tub. I had to go to the bathroom, so I had to make it back to the toilet and go to the bathroom, then back to the tub. This really felt like a process, but probably wasn't. I LOVED the tub. If I was at the birth center, no doubt, I would have had that baby in the tub, but the hospital does not allow water births. It felt good because I was having back labor and laying down in there took so much pressure off my lower back. I felt like I was in the tub for a while, but after having a few contractions, I had that urge, the urge to push.
They say it feels like an urge to poop. To me it was a distinct feeling of pressure in my vagina and not an urge to poop. The midwife told me to let my body do what it wants to do. Since it was feeling like I needed to push, I rode it out. My vocal sound during a contraction was a low moaning and then when I felt like pushing it would go into a grunt. I never screamed, yelled, or got mad. They say it takes more energy to do that so I kept that in the back of my mind. When they tell you giving birth is primal, they are not lying. You are making sounds you never thought you could make, but my midwife said I was doing an amazing job singing to my baby. She then said that since I am wanting to push we needed to get back on the bed. My wonderful hubby helped me up and out of the tub and I had another contraction/push. When my knees buckled under me I knew this was it. My midwife said I am now 8 cm and I was progressing very quickly. She just kept telling me "you are awesome mama!" and I felt it too! When we got back on the bed, they hooked up the squat bar and tried getting comfortable, but the pressure on my back was making my contractions more intense than they already were. So the midwife suggested to lay on my side because it will release a lot of the pressure of trying to hold myself up. Once I laid on my side, my mom took my top leg up, my hubby was down there wanting to be hands on, I held on to my grandma, and then there was no one else in the room but me.
January 6, 2015: D-Day
I could not tell you what people were saying or doing, except I just kept hearing, "There's his head, oh my God I see his head". My midwife asked me if I wanted a mirror and I said yes, of course! Everyone was seeing his head, so I wanted to see it also! She told me to push when my body felt the urge during a contraction, so I did and as I was pushing I saw his head full of hair and started to cry, then was determined to get him out. I went into crazy land. (That is what I'm calling it anyway) I was pushing so hard and quick that they were telling me to slow down, but after seeing that he was right there, I just wanted my baby. It was like an adrenalin rush of emotions and strength, almost like I was in a tunnel and only had one way out! I took another deep breathe and pushed again, longer this time and heard her ask my hubby if he wanted to deliver. One more push, then I felt his head come out. Another push was his shoulders. She then asked me to grab him and pull him on my belly. All I kept saying is "I want my baby, I want my baby". 12:13 am Brayden Joe was born. It was love at first sight. 7.9 pounds and 21 1/2 inches long. He was PERFECT!
Everyone tells you labor and delivery is the most painful thing you will ever go through. I'm not going to lie, it freaking hurt, but not like breaking a bone or getting a tattoo even. It's a pain that goes away after seeing the one thing you wanted more than life itself. I would do it over and over again to have that feeling of seeing him, knowing that you carried him for 10 months and he was just in your belly and now in your arms. I really believe in mind over matter after this experience. The whole labor, I focused on seeing him after 41 long weeks. I kept calm and had dim lights, soft music playing and only mom and hubby there with me. I just kept telling myself this is a process and had my eyes closed to concentrate. No one talked. My hubby was there giving me water and a heating pad on my low back. He kept stroking my arms and back, which is a way I like to be soothed normally. It was nice to not have to worry about anything, but trying to make it easier for my little man to come into the world. I was alert, but relaxed between contractions. When I began to push, it almost was like I could feel the pain, but not. It's so hard to describe, but honestly it's almost like I went numb to the pain. Who needs an epidural when your body automatically does that for you, and you don't have the side effects afterwards. I did feel the "ring of fire" for a split second, but I really think it was seeing his little head that made all the pain go away. I had so much energy and just kept on focusing and breathing and in minutes he was in my arms. No more pain, just love! I felt so strong and proud of myself. I made a healthy baby, and had a great birthing experience, what more could I have asked for?!
Since I had such a quick delivery (like 20 min of pushing) Brayden had a little more amniotic fluid in his lungs than if I pushed longer. Pushing helps get all that out, and crying is important to work it out also. So he had a gurgle to his cry and they had Respiratory take a look at him to make sure he was clearing it out on his own pretty well. Once they told me he was doing fine, they said the more he nurses and cries, the better it will be. So we tried nursing, and I couldn't believe how quickly he latched. The first latch, I believe, is the moment I first felt like a Mother. I was feeding my baby on my own (even if it was just colostrum). All was overwhelming and exciting! I wasn't even tired yet.
After birth sucks. I'm not going to lie, I think the shit they do to you after you did all that wonderful work is more painful than the actual birthing process. I'm talking about the "stomach massage". UGH! Every 15 minutes after birth, they have to press on my stomach to drain liquids, and help get my uterus to shrink back. The nurse I had kept telling me to relax my stomach muscles as much as possible and to breathe out while she pushed on my belly. Honestly, it felt like a 500 pound boulder was pushing down on me. I think it was the 3rd or 4th time that she was so irritated with me because I wasn't "relaxing" enough, that the nurse literally got on her knees, on the bed, and used her whole upper body to press into my belly button. I SCREAMED, like bloody murder scream. My midwife heard me from outside and came in to ask me if I was OK. I didn't scream through my whole birthing process, so she knew I was in pain. I was crying and pissed off and I am pretty sure my dad was going to murder her. My midwife asked if I had used the bathroom yet, and thinking back, it was right before getting into the tub when I used it last. She told me that is probably why it hurts so bad. So I was escorted to the toilet, with a bottle of warm water and was told to spray as I peed. Oh lord that stung. I did have about 4 stitches so it was the longest pee ever because I kept holding back from the sting and there was so much backed up. After going to the bathroom those massages were not so bad, so my advice for up coming moms... Go to the bathroom as soon as you can after birth, trust me, your internal organs will thank you!
After my family left it was just my hubby, my baby and me heading to our room. It was about 3 am and I couldn't stop kissing him and snuggling him. I had the best hospital stay. I would only get checked on 2-3 times and left to sleep in the night. I had minimal visitors and was up walking around. I know not all births are like this. It kind of sounds like I was giving birth on rainbows with sparkly unicorns all around me, but seriously I wouldn't have asked for a better experience. I just went into it knowing the outcome was going to be worth every single bit of pain. Drugs never crossed my mind, my midwife gave me enough confidence to know that I didn't need to move it along, like most doctors try to do, and having the support team that I had, really made me feel amazing. I don't think I have been told how amazing I was in anything in my life like I was told that day. My midwife, hubby and mom never left my side, and to me, that's all I needed.
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I will definitely be choosing a midwife again for my second pregnancy. I just felt like for me being a person who is more emotional with picking and choosing medical care, this was the right choice for me. They specialize in natural births, but can also give you the option of drugs if you need them or want them. I didn't want someone pressuring me to be on their time. Our bodies, as women, were made to give birth. Please note that I am not saying my birth experience is better than another's. I know emergencies happen and some people don't care about using drugs during pregnancy. I just know my experience and what I wanted. My one advice to newly pregnant moms out there... Take your time in choosing a provider, whether a midwife or OB, make sure you feel good about your choice. Think about what kind of birth you want and fight for it. You have every right to have everything you want, and always have a back up. I had to use my back up and I was really OK with it. Remember you are growing a miracle inside you and use that as your focus.
-Ash <3
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 was the day I found out I was going to be a mother. My husband and I had been married for 1.5 years at the time and have been wanting to have a baby since we got married. I have taken probably 20 tests over that time thinking "this month is the month" when really it was just another let down. So my mind going into this test was set for another disappointment. Except it was positive and I was freaking out...in a good way!
The news was a huge mix of emotions. I was so incredibly excited, but the second thought that came into my mind was how I was suppose to tell someone close to me that I was pregnant. She had just gone through something major, and I couldn't get over the fact that I had to tell her my news. I knew that she would be happy for me, but it was still so new and fresh, that I knew she couldn't be happy for me right then. And that was OK with me. What I had not planned on, was her ending our friendship 5 months later. It seriously was the worst break up I have ever been through, but after months of crying and arguing, I now look back and know it was whats best and I wish her the best in life.
Even though there was so much sadness and a couple relationships lost, I gained amazing friendships! When you get pregnant It really is a whole other world. People you may not have talked to in a while reach out to you and I loved that! That is what made it easier to get through day by day. I really loved my pregnancy. Like maybe people thought I was a little weird, but I did. I am a huge believer that you pave your own path of happiness. If you go into things happy and positive, you come out happy and positive. DUH! Granted, I was super lucky and did not have any morning sickness. The thing that I hated the most about pregnancy was that everyone was so negative about it. It's like people want you to be miserable because they were. I hated when people would tell me "OH JUST YOU WAIT..." Ugh seriously, wait for what? The world to end? I am still waiting on some of the shit people would tell me to wait on. "Oh just you wait...you will be puking soon enough" Nope, Next..."Oh just you wait...you won't be cycling after 2nd trimester" Ha! You were wrong! I just never understood why women weren't allowed to enjoy their pregnancy. Yeah the tiredness was a battle and for me the weight gain was hard at first, but in the long run, I am pregnant for at least 40 weeks, might as well make the best of it! That I did, and now I am not dreading it for next time!
I decided a long time ago that I would like to try having a midwife. Because my GYNO was not an OB she did recommend me to another colleague of hers and I decided to see her first and then tour the birthing center just to keep my options open. This is where people, including my husband, thought I was crazy. No one around me had gone with midwifery except my mom and aunt back in the 80s. All, except one person that I knew, had births with drugs or IVs involved, or emergency C-Sections. So there was a lot of judgement, both good and bad, but I knew what I wanted.
My first appointment with the Doctor was not what I expected. It wasn't with the doctor, only the nurse for a pre-OB workup. Well I am a girl who will base my feelings on a person by the first impression they give. Usually if my gut is telling me this isn't going to work, I go with it, and since I had to be with this nurse and doctor for 10 months, I had to make sure I felt good. Well, it wasn't. The nurse gave my husband and I the weirdest vibe. She was late and as new parents we had a few questions, but because she was short on time she said she had to go to another room and gave us the reference book and left. I decided to meet the doctor before just dropping out and finding another OB. When we went in for that appointment we decided to give the nurse another chance. Well it wasn't any better, even though I loved the doctor, I just couldn't go there every month with someone who made me feel stupid for being a first time mom. So the next day we toured the birth center.
At first my husband did not want to do the birth center, because he was scared of not having access to a "doctor". Afterwards he was sold. We loved the feel and flow of things there and everyone was welcoming. It never felt like a clinic to me. I loved the idea of giving birth in a room that looked like an actual bedroom. No monitors or beeps and people coming in and out. I also loved that every visit I had was with a different midwife so when D-Day came I knew exactly who would be delivering my child. Especially because I was due near Christmas time, and most doctors take vacations, and I just didn't want to take the risk of not having my OB. It was so easy to choose after the tour. Knowing that I was low risk and my baby was growing well, we decided this was what we both wanted and more importantly what was more comfortable for me!
The reason I wanted to write about my experience, is because most people really don't understand it or know about it. Again, this is MY experience and I know not everyone will have things that go well and I understand that. Everyone has a story, some good, some bad, and mine was just amazing!
My first appointment was easy, because at the tour, they pretty much tell you and show you how things are done. So every appointment I knew I would be checking in and heading straight for the bathroom. On the counter there are dixie cups, pens, a sticky note pad, and urine test strips. Also there are directions on what to do and a little clock ticking next to the sink. It's simple, you take the cup, pee in it, take a test strip and dip it in and wait 30 seconds and read your glucose level, then another 30 seconds and read your nitrate and protein levels. You write it on your sticky note, then head out to the scale and weigh yourself, then have a seat. I loved being able to do things on my own. It kept me alert on what was happening with me. When I got into the room, the nurse took my blood pressure and then recorded everything in my chart. My midwife that day would come in and ask how things are going, then would measure my belly. The thing I loved the most was I got to hear the heart beat every single visit! It never got old. My visits would last me about 30 minutes total.
Gender Reveal
So my appointments never were super exciting until my 20 week ultrasound of course and then towards the end there was a lot more action. We had only two ultrasounds, one at 12 weeks to confirm and then of course the 20 week ultrasound to make sure the baby was growing right and of course to find out the gender. After getting all set on the table our tech puts the wand on my belly and right away my husband saw it was a boy! She of course didn't confirm that until after checking the size and heart making sure everything was growing the way it should have been. Then she asked if we want to know the gender...I don't think you can get any clearer than this:
Now, this is our first baby and I wanted to make sure we did all the hoopla and crazy fun stuff, so we wanted to do a gender reveal party. Again, judgement appears out of every direction, but we didn't give a rats ass what people thought. I think a baby should be celebrated as much as possible and we wanted to share the news with our closest friends and family! We did a photo shoot with my best friend before we knew and did a pink and blue balloon release, so it would be a complete surprise to everyone. We also decided to tell our moms before the big party, because it would be really hard to keep it a secret from them all day until the party. We met up for lunch and since we knew the manager, they had made drinks for the table to announce we were having a boy.
The name we chose was the name I have been wanting for years, but my husband didn't know about it at first. So we both thought of Dylan until we went to the ultrasound and both thought Brayden was definitely what we wanted. His middle name is Joe after my husband's grandfather who had past when he was young. I loved the flow of the name and sounded way better than Dylan Joe.
We wanted to have a low key reveal party, so we went to a pizza parlor and had great company! I had made pink bows for those who thought it was going to be a girl, and mustaches for those who thought boy. It was fun to see people get excited for us and for Brayden.
Photographer: Jennifer Rene Photography
Baby Shower
I can't even tell you how amazing my shower was. I am such a lucky girl to have a mother like I have and friends like I have. It was filled with so much love and excitement. I was looking forward to so many things, but the cradle that my dad was making me was the one gift I was looking forward to the most. His talent is just amazing and yes I cried. If you ever need any wood work done check out is Facebook page HERE
My shower was very much inspired by Pinterest and thanks to my mom and a few lovely friends and family this is how it turned out:
Photographer: Jennifer Rene Photography
Starting at 37 weeks, I began to take Primrose Oil, which my midwife said would help soften things and it is also known to help you stretch easier. By the time I hit 38 weeks, I was so ready to have this baby, my head was about to explode. 38 weeks was the time I stopped teaching my cycle classes mainly because I was so sure I was going to have him early. Hahaha... that was not the case. I literally tried every way possible to naturally induce myself. I s tarted with Raspberry Leaf tea, which actually made my mucus plug fall out. (Sorry guys if you are reading) Well, nothing was happening (as far as contractions or labor pains) so my mom told me about Castor Oil. I took 1.5 ounces of that at 39 weeks...nothing! (Icky..I can still taste it) At 40 weeks, I was out of work and full time trying to work on getting consistent contractions. In my mind, I NEEDED to get this baby out this week because if I carried over 41 weeks I could not have a birth center experience. I did not want to have him in the hospital! So, every night I was bouncing on my yoga ball and taking warm relaxing baths. I also took Castor Oil, AGAIN, but this time took 2 ounces, then 4 ounces 2 days later. That was the worst experience I have ever had, and it did nothing, AGAIN! I went on a mission to find pure jasmine oil, because I heard if you inhaled it, it should kick start labor, HA! I found out at 40 weeks that I was 80-90% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated. So I knew things were moving just slowly. My midwife also tried a sweep, but it's easier at 2 cm so she said we would do another one in a week if it didn't work.
Once I hit 41 weeks, I just had to come to terms that I was having this baby in the hospital, and I can still have the natural birth I wanted. I went hiking twice, ate a fresh ripe pineapple, and stimulated my nipples until I got so annoyed, I just gave up. I decided to just wait until my appointment and hoped that I was dilated enough to have a membrane sweep.
January 5, 2015: Labor Day
I went into my 41 week appointment (9 days after my due date) and did my final specimen. They took me into a room with a bed and monitor for a stress test. I had one band around my belly to monitor my contractions, and one for the baby's heartbeat. After she saw everything was perfect and that I had enough fluids, she did an exam. She said I was still about 90% effaced and 2.5 cm dilated. When she did the membrane sweep she said she got it stretched to 3 cm. She also noticed my water sac was weighted and said if he didn't come today then the next couple days for sure. I left feeling super crampy, which was different from the first sweep.
My mom was with me, and we had plans to have lunch and take a trip down to Cottage Grove to meet someone about buying a play pin. We had lunch at a yummy diner, and I swear I ate like it was my last meal. (little did I know) By the time I got home, I was still crampy and tired and decided to take a nap.
3:23 pm-ish, I woke up feeling like I had to pee...kind of felt like I was starting to, actually, and as I stood up I felt a gush and ran to the bathroom. The first thing I did was call my hubby, then my mom, then the midwife. My water broke! I was so freaking excited that this was finally happening! I got in the bath right away and waited for my hubby to come home. My mom and hubby came home and picked up the house and did some laundry while I sat on my yoga ball and did a puzzle. Haha!
My contractions started shortly after my water broke. I stayed on the ball for a little bit, but as they were getting more and more intense I was trying to find a comfortable position. I tried being on all fours, and laying on the couch, but the more intense they got, the more uncomfortable I was getting. When you have a midwife they tell you to give them a call when you get to 4:1:1. That means you have 1 minute long contractions every 4 minutes in an hour. Around 6 pm-ish, I was having about 30-45 second contractions every 5 minutes when we called her the first time. Since I was still able to talk during a contraction she said she really wanted me to get at least 3 in a row that were 1 minute long. I finally found a position on my side, facing the back of the couch, with my left leg propped up on the back of it. Haha. Every contraction started getting more intense and my mom kept saying "I think we should go". I kept saying, "did we hit a minute? No, OK, it's not time".That was until I had the most intense contraction, then my hubby called her. She said it was time cause I was moaning so loud she could hear me in the background. My hubby helped me up and out to the car.
As we were walking out to the car, my damn cat ran out and so I was in the car having contractions while my mom, my husband, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law tried to get her back in the house. Honestly, in the moment, I was getting irritated because I just wanted to go. The car was so uncomfortable, and I was having super intense contractions. I know they knew I would be freaking out about her later so I am glad they got her. The car ride itself seemed like forever! Contraction after contraction, and we even had to pull over off the freeway because I felt nauseous. After not throwing up, I think my husband was freaking out inside, but doing a really great job not showing it. Poor guy was driving fast, but trying to keep it under control because every bump and turn had me even more uncomfortable.
We had finally arrived at the hospital around 10:30 pm and I still wasn't nervous. I am pretty sure at this point in my labor there was no way I really could be. I just remember seeing my brother there at the entrance of the hospital with a gift bag. I could have freaked him out a little because I was in active labor at this point and not really caring too much that he brought a gift for the baby. Haha! I don't think he was prepared to see me like that and in that much pain. We got all checked in and on the way up to the floor they handled all the paper work and questions, which was great because once I got settled in my room I would most definitely not want to answer questions.
Everyone asks you who you are having in the room with you during delivery. At first I only wanted my mom and husband in there along with my photographer. After thinking about it, I asked my mother-in-law and my grandma if they wanted to be in there to see the babe born also. I knew the people there would not be all up in my business so I was fine with everything, but I am a modest person in some ways, so at first when my midwife asked me to remove my bottoms, I was a little hesitant. Not only was my mother-in-law there, but my hubby's grandmother was in there also. I remember I was sitting on a yoga ball leaning over the bed, and I had my mom cover my backside with a towel. The midwife checked to see how dilated I was, which was 7 cm! I then told my midwife I needed to vomit. I threw up in two of those blue bags during a contraction and that's when I knew I hit transition, and at that point could care less who was in the room. So I had my hubby, mom, grandmother, mother-in-law, one of my best friends and my midwife.
After getting past throwing up, I wanted to try the tub. Trying to get me there was, what felt like, a long task. I would take a few steps, then would have a contraction, a couple more steps and another contraction. When I finally made it to the tub. I had to go to the bathroom, so I had to make it back to the toilet and go to the bathroom, then back to the tub. This really felt like a process, but probably wasn't. I LOVED the tub. If I was at the birth center, no doubt, I would have had that baby in the tub, but the hospital does not allow water births. It felt good because I was having back labor and laying down in there took so much pressure off my lower back. I felt like I was in the tub for a while, but after having a few contractions, I had that urge, the urge to push.
They say it feels like an urge to poop. To me it was a distinct feeling of pressure in my vagina and not an urge to poop. The midwife told me to let my body do what it wants to do. Since it was feeling like I needed to push, I rode it out. My vocal sound during a contraction was a low moaning and then when I felt like pushing it would go into a grunt. I never screamed, yelled, or got mad. They say it takes more energy to do that so I kept that in the back of my mind. When they tell you giving birth is primal, they are not lying. You are making sounds you never thought you could make, but my midwife said I was doing an amazing job singing to my baby. She then said that since I am wanting to push we needed to get back on the bed. My wonderful hubby helped me up and out of the tub and I had another contraction/push. When my knees buckled under me I knew this was it. My midwife said I am now 8 cm and I was progressing very quickly. She just kept telling me "you are awesome mama!" and I felt it too! When we got back on the bed, they hooked up the squat bar and tried getting comfortable, but the pressure on my back was making my contractions more intense than they already were. So the midwife suggested to lay on my side because it will release a lot of the pressure of trying to hold myself up. Once I laid on my side, my mom took my top leg up, my hubby was down there wanting to be hands on, I held on to my grandma, and then there was no one else in the room but me.
January 6, 2015: D-Day
I could not tell you what people were saying or doing, except I just kept hearing, "There's his head, oh my God I see his head". My midwife asked me if I wanted a mirror and I said yes, of course! Everyone was seeing his head, so I wanted to see it also! She told me to push when my body felt the urge during a contraction, so I did and as I was pushing I saw his head full of hair and started to cry, then was determined to get him out. I went into crazy land. (That is what I'm calling it anyway) I was pushing so hard and quick that they were telling me to slow down, but after seeing that he was right there, I just wanted my baby. It was like an adrenalin rush of emotions and strength, almost like I was in a tunnel and only had one way out! I took another deep breathe and pushed again, longer this time and heard her ask my hubby if he wanted to deliver. One more push, then I felt his head come out. Another push was his shoulders. She then asked me to grab him and pull him on my belly. All I kept saying is "I want my baby, I want my baby". 12:13 am Brayden Joe was born. It was love at first sight. 7.9 pounds and 21 1/2 inches long. He was PERFECT!
Everyone tells you labor and delivery is the most painful thing you will ever go through. I'm not going to lie, it freaking hurt, but not like breaking a bone or getting a tattoo even. It's a pain that goes away after seeing the one thing you wanted more than life itself. I would do it over and over again to have that feeling of seeing him, knowing that you carried him for 10 months and he was just in your belly and now in your arms. I really believe in mind over matter after this experience. The whole labor, I focused on seeing him after 41 long weeks. I kept calm and had dim lights, soft music playing and only mom and hubby there with me. I just kept telling myself this is a process and had my eyes closed to concentrate. No one talked. My hubby was there giving me water and a heating pad on my low back. He kept stroking my arms and back, which is a way I like to be soothed normally. It was nice to not have to worry about anything, but trying to make it easier for my little man to come into the world. I was alert, but relaxed between contractions. When I began to push, it almost was like I could feel the pain, but not. It's so hard to describe, but honestly it's almost like I went numb to the pain. Who needs an epidural when your body automatically does that for you, and you don't have the side effects afterwards. I did feel the "ring of fire" for a split second, but I really think it was seeing his little head that made all the pain go away. I had so much energy and just kept on focusing and breathing and in minutes he was in my arms. No more pain, just love! I felt so strong and proud of myself. I made a healthy baby, and had a great birthing experience, what more could I have asked for?!
Since I had such a quick delivery (like 20 min of pushing) Brayden had a little more amniotic fluid in his lungs than if I pushed longer. Pushing helps get all that out, and crying is important to work it out also. So he had a gurgle to his cry and they had Respiratory take a look at him to make sure he was clearing it out on his own pretty well. Once they told me he was doing fine, they said the more he nurses and cries, the better it will be. So we tried nursing, and I couldn't believe how quickly he latched. The first latch, I believe, is the moment I first felt like a Mother. I was feeding my baby on my own (even if it was just colostrum). All was overwhelming and exciting! I wasn't even tired yet.
After birth sucks. I'm not going to lie, I think the shit they do to you after you did all that wonderful work is more painful than the actual birthing process. I'm talking about the "stomach massage". UGH! Every 15 minutes after birth, they have to press on my stomach to drain liquids, and help get my uterus to shrink back. The nurse I had kept telling me to relax my stomach muscles as much as possible and to breathe out while she pushed on my belly. Honestly, it felt like a 500 pound boulder was pushing down on me. I think it was the 3rd or 4th time that she was so irritated with me because I wasn't "relaxing" enough, that the nurse literally got on her knees, on the bed, and used her whole upper body to press into my belly button. I SCREAMED, like bloody murder scream. My midwife heard me from outside and came in to ask me if I was OK. I didn't scream through my whole birthing process, so she knew I was in pain. I was crying and pissed off and I am pretty sure my dad was going to murder her. My midwife asked if I had used the bathroom yet, and thinking back, it was right before getting into the tub when I used it last. She told me that is probably why it hurts so bad. So I was escorted to the toilet, with a bottle of warm water and was told to spray as I peed. Oh lord that stung. I did have about 4 stitches so it was the longest pee ever because I kept holding back from the sting and there was so much backed up. After going to the bathroom those massages were not so bad, so my advice for up coming moms... Go to the bathroom as soon as you can after birth, trust me, your internal organs will thank you!
After my family left it was just my hubby, my baby and me heading to our room. It was about 3 am and I couldn't stop kissing him and snuggling him. I had the best hospital stay. I would only get checked on 2-3 times and left to sleep in the night. I had minimal visitors and was up walking around. I know not all births are like this. It kind of sounds like I was giving birth on rainbows with sparkly unicorns all around me, but seriously I wouldn't have asked for a better experience. I just went into it knowing the outcome was going to be worth every single bit of pain. Drugs never crossed my mind, my midwife gave me enough confidence to know that I didn't need to move it along, like most doctors try to do, and having the support team that I had, really made me feel amazing. I don't think I have been told how amazing I was in anything in my life like I was told that day. My midwife, hubby and mom never left my side, and to me, that's all I needed.
Photographer: Jennifer Rene Photography
I will definitely be choosing a midwife again for my second pregnancy. I just felt like for me being a person who is more emotional with picking and choosing medical care, this was the right choice for me. They specialize in natural births, but can also give you the option of drugs if you need them or want them. I didn't want someone pressuring me to be on their time. Our bodies, as women, were made to give birth. Please note that I am not saying my birth experience is better than another's. I know emergencies happen and some people don't care about using drugs during pregnancy. I just know my experience and what I wanted. My one advice to newly pregnant moms out there... Take your time in choosing a provider, whether a midwife or OB, make sure you feel good about your choice. Think about what kind of birth you want and fight for it. You have every right to have everything you want, and always have a back up. I had to use my back up and I was really OK with it. Remember you are growing a miracle inside you and use that as your focus.
-Ash <3
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