So, some of you might wonder what it's like to be a single mom. Some of you think you might know. Some of you might think you see what your best friend goes through, or sister, or co-worker, but really, you only may know some of it, or a piece of it. I have debated on writing this entry only because I was a little afraid of the judgment. The judgment that ALL us moms and non moms give. I finally gave up the fight with myself, because I can't even tell you how many single moms I have talked to about the daily struggles or battles we face. Now don't get me wrong all us moms go through things that are hard and rewarding. So please don't think I am dis-crediting you amazing moms out there. We all have to stick together and uplift each other. I just know my own life and that's the only life I can share.
I became a single mom when Brayden was just 4 months old. I chose to leave my husband because of reasons that are personal, but that I felt were not the way my son nor I should live. We had to move out of the house we were living in and that left us trying to scramble on where to live and what to do. I made the decision to move in with my dad until we could figure things out from there. I was one month back to work from maternity leave, no house, no money and a 4 month old baby. My dad lived 30 min north of the town I worked and grew up in. I moved a twin size bed, rocker, changing table, small dresser, and baby swing into a room so small that I literally had a one person isle down the middle of it. I was so grateful for him to take me in though. I seriously don't know what I would have done if he couldn't. I took this opportunity to self reflect a little on my life. I was away from my friends, most of my family, and my husband. So I was kind of in my own little world, in my own little town where no one knew me, just having a lot of thinking time and time with my dad.
Every morning I would sneak out of my twin size bed that I shared with my son, to get ready for work. I would pack up the car with his diaper bag, play mat, bag of toys, pump bag, lunch bag, my purse, and of course the car seat and commute 30 minutes to work where I would meet my mom, my husband or my grandma to take him for the day, while I worked 9-10 hours Monday through Thursday. After work I would go pick him up, commute another 30 minutes back home for dinner, bedtime routines and lots of snuggles. I did this for about 3 months before an apartment called me off their waiting list. This waiting list was over a year long and they had just got under new management and kicked out a bunch of tenants. I had saved enough money to move in asap which gave me opportunity to pick the apartment I want, and live 2 weeks free! By the time I moved in and got somewhat settled, I decided I wanted to continue on my own and asked my husband for a divorce.
During this time, I thought I was taking everything away from my son. All the hopes and dreams I had for him were gone. What was I going to do now that I couldn't sleep train him in his crib and keep up on making homemade baby food? What was I going to do now that we couldn't have dedicated play dates and mommy & me classes? What was I going to do now that I had to work full time cause I didn't have a partner anymore? What was I going to do now that he HAS to co-sleep with me in a twin size bed? What was I going to do now that he doesn't have his father there everyday? All the things that everyone tells you to do or not to do to have the perfect family, and great children, completely flew out the window for me! I went from having the life I wanted to having the life I thought would corrupt my kid.
I'm definitely not perfect, but honestly the greatest compliment I received was from my best friend and my mama. They both said no matter how hard life was for me with money, stress, work, being alone and whatever else comes with all this...I stayed positive. I definitely have breakdowns, and ugly cry sessions in the bath at times, but all in all, I knew I needed to find my strength through God.
I am not ashamed for being a single mom. I am not ashamed for putting God and my family before anyone else. Those are the people who helped me (still do) and push me to be a better me all around. When they say it takes an army to raise a child, they weren't kidding. I struggle with my guilt a lot! I work anywhere from 36-40 hours a week, then come home to ignore him for 20 minutes of a workout, get dinner made, and clean up just before bedtime on some days. I wish I had the energy to sit and play with him, to work on his fine motor skills, but some days I just can't and I know that when he is old enough to understand, he will thank me. He will thank me for loving him unconditionally, for trying my hardest to make his life easy, for making hard decisions and taking the heat....at least that's what I hope for. I am so thankful for this life, for him and for all the struggles I go through. They make me stronger and all over a better person.
So just remember, you are strong! You are worthy! YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM!!!!!! Don't let anyone tell you different, and that includes your own self. Keep positive, give a compliment to the mom in the grocery store with the 3 year old having the tantrum, because they need the reassurance just like you. Just know God has your back through all the tough times and good times.
I became a single mom when Brayden was just 4 months old. I chose to leave my husband because of reasons that are personal, but that I felt were not the way my son nor I should live. We had to move out of the house we were living in and that left us trying to scramble on where to live and what to do. I made the decision to move in with my dad until we could figure things out from there. I was one month back to work from maternity leave, no house, no money and a 4 month old baby. My dad lived 30 min north of the town I worked and grew up in. I moved a twin size bed, rocker, changing table, small dresser, and baby swing into a room so small that I literally had a one person isle down the middle of it. I was so grateful for him to take me in though. I seriously don't know what I would have done if he couldn't. I took this opportunity to self reflect a little on my life. I was away from my friends, most of my family, and my husband. So I was kind of in my own little world, in my own little town where no one knew me, just having a lot of thinking time and time with my dad.
Every morning I would sneak out of my twin size bed that I shared with my son, to get ready for work. I would pack up the car with his diaper bag, play mat, bag of toys, pump bag, lunch bag, my purse, and of course the car seat and commute 30 minutes to work where I would meet my mom, my husband or my grandma to take him for the day, while I worked 9-10 hours Monday through Thursday. After work I would go pick him up, commute another 30 minutes back home for dinner, bedtime routines and lots of snuggles. I did this for about 3 months before an apartment called me off their waiting list. This waiting list was over a year long and they had just got under new management and kicked out a bunch of tenants. I had saved enough money to move in asap which gave me opportunity to pick the apartment I want, and live 2 weeks free! By the time I moved in and got somewhat settled, I decided I wanted to continue on my own and asked my husband for a divorce.
During this time, I thought I was taking everything away from my son. All the hopes and dreams I had for him were gone. What was I going to do now that I couldn't sleep train him in his crib and keep up on making homemade baby food? What was I going to do now that we couldn't have dedicated play dates and mommy & me classes? What was I going to do now that I had to work full time cause I didn't have a partner anymore? What was I going to do now that he HAS to co-sleep with me in a twin size bed? What was I going to do now that he doesn't have his father there everyday? All the things that everyone tells you to do or not to do to have the perfect family, and great children, completely flew out the window for me! I went from having the life I wanted to having the life I thought would corrupt my kid.
I'm definitely not perfect, but honestly the greatest compliment I received was from my best friend and my mama. They both said no matter how hard life was for me with money, stress, work, being alone and whatever else comes with all this...I stayed positive. I definitely have breakdowns, and ugly cry sessions in the bath at times, but all in all, I knew I needed to find my strength through God.
I am not ashamed for being a single mom. I am not ashamed for putting God and my family before anyone else. Those are the people who helped me (still do) and push me to be a better me all around. When they say it takes an army to raise a child, they weren't kidding. I struggle with my guilt a lot! I work anywhere from 36-40 hours a week, then come home to ignore him for 20 minutes of a workout, get dinner made, and clean up just before bedtime on some days. I wish I had the energy to sit and play with him, to work on his fine motor skills, but some days I just can't and I know that when he is old enough to understand, he will thank me. He will thank me for loving him unconditionally, for trying my hardest to make his life easy, for making hard decisions and taking the heat....at least that's what I hope for. I am so thankful for this life, for him and for all the struggles I go through. They make me stronger and all over a better person.
So just remember, you are strong! You are worthy! YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM!!!!!! Don't let anyone tell you different, and that includes your own self. Keep positive, give a compliment to the mom in the grocery store with the 3 year old having the tantrum, because they need the reassurance just like you. Just know God has your back through all the tough times and good times.
-Ash
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