I read a post the other day that triggered anger in me. It could have been because I read it right after I posted my last entry about all the wonderful things I am doing to get happy, healthy, and fit again...It could have been because I didn't completely agree with everything this person said, I don't know. Let me clarify, it was not about me. It was strictly an opinion of someones.
You can ask anyone of my friends and family, I really value people's opinions and most of the time if I don't agree I usually am answering with a simple, "OK" along with a half smile and change of subject. (Now you know my secret, Ha!) I hate confrontation or arguing opinions because those are someones true beliefs and when you truly believe something why go round and round with them to get nowhere! I don't have time for that. I'll let you say your peace and I will say mine, if we don't agree, we move on. It's simple. But here is my peace...
Four years ago I lost 57 pounds and 35.75 inches in 365 days! I was 220 pounds, and very overweight when I started. My physical appearance was affected by my state of mind, the way I felt about myself. I was sad, depressed, feeling not loved or cared for, so I ate. I ate a lot, and I drank a lot. I was getting too close to having things like diabetes, or heart issues, since those things run heavy in my family history. I felt lazy, and never had the energy to get dressed or look good. My friends and family saw the negativity pour out of me like lava. I wasn't healthy inside or out.
My first 50 pounds were lost in four months by fueling my body with healthier options, no alcohol, and exercising for an hour+, 1-2 times a day, 6 days a week (That included a gym workout and an outdoor activity or HIIT workout). I was loving my self again with every pound and inch dropped. Now, let me clarify something...it is not all about the weight dropping! But, in order to get to a healthier weight, I obviously needed to drop weight. My goal was never to be skinny, it was to love myself again and be strong. Notice I only lost 7 more pounds in the remaining 8 months? I wasn't starving myself or only eating kale and juice. When I wanted something I ate it, but in moderation and logged my calories anyway, because I chose that lifestyle! I made the choice to better my health. I made the choice to go to the gym and spend time with my brother. I made the choice to be healthy and positive. You can choose to do what I did or close to it, or you can choose to eat a whole pizza or overload on sugar, binge eat, or eat whatever you want, I don't care, but we all have the ability to make good choices and bad choices, it's just up to you on what choice you want to make.
Fast-forward to about a month ago, when I was out with my four best girlfriends. This is how you know you have good friends in your life. I was negative, rude, and comparing myself to how they were dressed, how successful they are, how amazing they were as parents and how they had all the confidence in the world. I was embarrassed for them because, I was in such a dark place, it was like I was wearing a mask that was doing the opposite of what it should have been doing. I was great in every other aspect of my life! My relationship with God is so much stronger, I finally became debt free, I have amazing family & friends, Brayden is growing into such a wonderful boy, and I have a great relationship with my ex. But, the relationship with myself wasn't there. So that mask was actually masking all the good in me and showing the world all my negativity. After I left that girls night, I went home and made a plan. A plan to get my inner self to match the other parts of my life. It's called balance. I needed it. So I dusted off my old HIIT DVDs, planned out my meals for the next week, took my measurements and weight and made the choice again to get my happy, healthy lifestyle back. In a matter of 4 weeks, I accomplished much more than weight loss. I am excited again, I am passionate again, my mind is full of creativity again and my mask is disappearing. My friends stuck by me no matter how I felt. They never told me what I need to do or what I should be doing to be happy. No one should be telling you what is best for you. Only God and you can decide that. Which brings me back to this post that I read.
You have to figure out what is best for you! My story and my accomplishments are mine! I choose to share my journey and life with you because I know some of us need to feel like no matter how small or big we succeed, it's still success. We all fall and it's just up to us to get right back up. Every one's body and metabolism is completely different. If you are the type of person who can eat 5,000 calories a day and maybe go on a hike here and there and not gain weight, power to you! That sure in the hell ain't me or most other people in this world. So yes, I will sit here every Friday evening making my meal plan for the next week along with my shopping list, and then prepping my meals all Sunday afternoon, so that I can live a positive and healthy lifestyle to show my son that his mom is here for him physically, mentally, and emotionally. What I fuel my body with effects him and his future. I didn't get pregnant at 220 pounds, I got pregnant at 163 pounds & a positive healthy lifestyle. I am doing this for me, but most importantly for him. Don't tell people they are not living life because they choose to log their food instead of troll Instagram or eat kale over chips. That is their choice to be happy, just like it's your choice to do whatever it is that makes you happy. We people need to lift each other up and embrace each other for our differences. We need to learn to love others along with ourselves. EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH WEIGHT!!!!!! Whether you are too big, too small, too strong, or not strong enough. So the next person who tells me I'm not "living"....(insert middle finger) The next person who says "Good for you for doing you" is a friend in my eyes.
So bottom line, DO YOU, BOO! I won't judge your "diet", I won't judge your weight (how skinny or not you are), I won't tell you that you are wrong or right. That's God's job. All I will do is share my struggles and accomplishments. Because we need more love in this world, not judgment or hate.
-Ash
Comments
Post a Comment