Diary of a Fat Girl

As I sit here and eat my chocolate from Christmas, I can't help wonder how I got back to this point. Granted I am still down the weight, but I notice the flab is back, and every time I try to jump back into my new normal something in life pulls be back a little more. How is it that I keep making excuses? To me they don't feel like excuses, but I know they are. I know working out makes me feel better, so why do I choose depression over happiness? Why oh why is it so much easier to sit on the couch and do nothing than to GET UP? I am the last person that will tell you that you don't need to work hard to earn something. I have always been a hard worker, so why am I not working hard on MY happiness AGAIN?! I have had a rough Fall/Winter season, like most people, so I am not saying I am the only one in hard times right now. I am just choosing to vent it out through what works best for me. Especially because I feel alone right now. You probably think I am crazy, I know, but g

 "Today is a great day!"..... Wouldn't it be nice if we all woke up saying this everyday? This week has been hell for me and let me tell you I have not been waking up everyday saying this! I truly believe that people who wake up the way I have woken up this whole week will be lazy and depressed everyday, not all day, but most of the day. I mean, we cant all wake up with rainbows and butterflies, but we can wake up, eat a heart healthy breakfast and be positive. I know I can do that, I did do that everyday just 4 months ago. I have been feeling a little lost with myself lately and almost defeated. I know it's my fault, I am not blaming anyone but me, but there has been so much change for me in my life lately that I think I finally hit my brick wall. I am so BAD at managing my energy. I put all my energy into my work which is effecting my personal life. I love my job, but I don't need to live it. I really do think it has to do with being the "new" girl th

Ok ok...I know it's been a couple months since you all have seen a post from me. You are probably wondering why. Well to be honest, after hitting my 50 lb weight loss I felt like I ran out of goals. Which is what happens to me every time! I start making excuses as to why I am not eating well or working out as much. Well today that ends here.  We all fall down and honestly you can't go through life without doing it. The thing I am proud of is I am catching it before I get to a point of where I was. (Plus, I got rid of all my "fat" clothes so I have no choice!) After hitting 170 I have gained 4 lbs back, not a lot to the average person, but I can feel it and that is NOT good. I told you all I would be honest with my journey, because I am human and like I said I make mistakes. I started a new job, which got super stressful because I have been in the same routine for 6 years and leaving somewhere and being the "new" kid kind of through me out of my routine. I

20 Weeks... it took me 20 weeks to get "Over the Hill"! Yes I am proud to say that I hit -50 lbs today! I finally reached a goal! It is an amazing feeling. Here's a little reminder of what 220 pounds looked like on me verses my new and improved 170 pound body. My stats are even more incredible. So week 4 is when I started logging my inches: Week 4:                           Week 20: Weight= 204lbs            Weight= 170lbs       -34 lbs Chest= 42.5"                Chest= 26.5".          -16 in R Arm= 13.5"                R Arm= 12"             -1.5 in L Arm = 13.5"                L Arm= 12"             -1.5 in Belly/Waist= 44.5"       Belly/Waist= 37.5"     -7 in Hips= 44"                      Hips= 40.5"             -3.5 in  R Thigh= 27 3/4"           R Thigh= 24.5"        -3.25 in  L Thigh= 27"                  L Thigh= 24"            -3 in Total inches lost equals 35.75! Oh my god! You have no idea w

So my weigh in this week is still the same at 172. I did lose 1/2 in in each leg, but that's about it this week. I would like to think that my muscle mass is what's taking over, but I really don't know. I feel thinner each week, and really that's all that matters! Not to mention I finally reached my size 10 jeans! Which brings me to this blog... I know once a month you get to see my body transform, but I wanted to see how different my body looked in some of my old clothes. OH EM GEE this was so much fun! December 2011:   Dress size 14/16 You can't even tell in this after photo, but all that fabric in the stomach has about 2 inches from it to my belly. It also make me look like I have NO BOOBS at all! August 2012:  Dress size 12 I look like a sausage stuffed in that dress! GAH! Look how much longer it is on me now. (Way more appropriate) I even have to take this in just a tad in the chest. I love this dress so much more now than looking back! Wedding Day 2012:  Dress

This week was super tough on me. Between the soreness, pulling muscles, my period, and cravings I had a hard week, but my stats aren't too bad. I weighed in at 175 which I knew would happen being on my period with all that bloating, but I lost a total of 1 whole inch off my body. Haha! Next week should be better! I had some requests to talk about my special watch I wear during my workouts. So I can tell you what I have and how I use it, but there are so many different kinds out there for many different things. I have the Polar FT4F It cost me $64 on Amazon.com and honestly it's the best money I have spent! The strap is worn around your chest right where your sternum ends. The transmitter is the little black thing and just snaps on the strap. Then of course the watch is just worn on your wrist. The transmitter sends your heart rate to your watch so you can keep track of where you should be to get the best results. You set your preferences, like weight, age, and sex, so you can h

Well here it is, my first post on a Wednesday! It's actually kind of fun to post this mid week because its fresh. So... Another month is down here are my stats and pictures! Week 4:                           Week 16: Weight= 204lbs            Weight= 172lbs Chest= 42.5"                Chest= 37" R Arm= 13.5"                R Arm= 12.5" L Arm = 13.5"                L Arm= 12.5" Belly/Waist= 44.5"       Belly/Waist= 38.5" Hips= 44"                      Hips= 41.5" R Thigh= 27 3/4"           R Thigh= 25" L Thigh= 27"                  L Thigh= 25" Not too much of a change since the last picture but I definitely feel like it has changed! A total of 20.75 inches off my body and 48 pounds, I think that is a pretty good change. I feel better and have so much more confidence. I am just so happy to be getting fit and healthy. I  honestly think my brother should be a personal trainer. He is probably the most encouraging per

Some of you may have been wondering what the hell happened last week. I didn't do my post on Monday cause well, really there was nothing to post about, other than my weight not changing. It gave me time to think about how to change up my routine and to get past this wonderful plateau that has come upon me. Not going to lie I have gotten a little relaxed with my eating habits, not caloric intake, but what I'm eating. Some of you may know I went camping a couple weekends ago and ever since then I have been craving non stop. Even caught myself binging a couple times. I still have been logging but it still looks so bad. We all go through it and even now when I'm starting to feel good about myself, I need to stay focused. So this month is a new month. Some changes are NEEDED right now. Starting today, I begin a fat-burning weightlifting routine. Everyday I will be doing a different body part with at least 30 min of cardio, which will not be hard since I love my cardio! Sundays w

This morning I saw a 7... Right next to the 1. Yep I am on on my way to stealing home now! I am 179 as of today which means I have nine more, yes I said NINE more pounds until I reach my long term goal of 50 pounds! It is so close I can taste it! I'm not posting my stats cause I really haven't lost any inches this week, but I still feel great and people are noticing which is totally crazy! In fact, I had two people at my gym come up to me last week, never met them before in my life, and tell me that I look great and to keep up the great work! It really makes you feel damn amazing when people you don't know notice you and your hard work! I have never been proud of myself for accomplishing something like this. I know I probably repeat my self a lot, but every week, even day, I am proud of my accomplishments! I am no longer in my dark depressing hole with my negative thoughts and hatred. I am no longer giving myself excuses to not be at the gym. I am no longer stress eating or

What a great week this week! Lots of outdoor activities, workouts, and lots of fun! Here are my stats. Week 12:                           Week 13: Weight= 187lbs            Weight= 183lbs Chest= 38.5"                Chest= 38.5" R Arm= 13"                  R Arm= 13" L Arm = 12.5"               L Arm= 12.5" Waist/Belly= 40"           Waist/Belly= 40" Hips= 41.5"                  Hips= 41" R Thigh= 26"                R Thigh= 25.5" L Thigh= 25.5"              L Thigh= 25" I hope everyone had a great holiday! I know I did. I started off my week with a beautiful bike ride with my hubby on the Northbank Path and midway stopped for some FroYo. We then hit the Southbank Path to head home making Monday nights ride 15 miles.  My mom and little brother brought over their bikes on the 4th and we all went for a ride to my other brother's house to enjoy some pool time. (After this ride we needed it) If you ever need an excus

Well I can tell you one thing... Even if I didn't lose a pound this week I'm feeling pretty happy with my results! Here are this weeks stats and my pictures. (I had a request to post all of them in order) Week 4:                           Week 12: Weight= 204lbs            Weight= 187lbs Chest= 42.5"                Chest= 38.5" R Arm= 13.5"                R Arm= 13" L Arm = 13.5"                L Arm= 12.5" Waist= 44.5"                 Waist= 40" Hips= 44"                      Hips= 41.5" R Thigh= 27 3/4"           R Thigh= 26 " L Thigh= 27"                  L Thigh= 25.5" My stats today compared to my stats in week four is incredible, losing a total of 15.75 inches off my body and of course 33 pounds from the beginning! I keep looking at the newest picture and can't believe that's me...not sucking in either! I feel so confident and sexy again and I seriously just want to keep going. I have come so fa

YES! This just happened this week... Week 10:                           Week 11: Weight= 192lbs              Weight= 187lbs Chest= 39.5"                  Chest= 39" R Arm= 13"                    R Arm= 13" L Arm = 12.5"                 L Arm= 12.5" Waist= 40"                     Waist= 40" Hips= 42"                       Hips= 41.5" R Thigh= 26"                  R Thigh= 26" L Thigh= 26"                  L Thigh= 25.5" Let me tell you how I feel as of right now writing this entry... UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!!! (Yes that deserves profanity). I have never felt so strong and not just physically, but emotionally also. I'm sure my family and friends can say that also. Let me tell you some of the little things that I noticed I missed without realizing I really missed them. The fact that I can wrap a towel all the way around me, I can wear jeans with no muffin top, I can wear my underwear without having them cut into me,

Disappointed in myself this week. I told you guys I would fall down and wouldn't hide it from you. Well I fell down a cliff this week. Here are my stats: Week 9:                           Week 9: Weight= 190lbs            Weight= 192lbs Chest= 39.5"                Chest= 39.5" R Arm= 13"                   R Arm= 13" L Arm = 13"                   L Arm= 12.5" Waist= 40"                    Waist= 40" Hips= 42.5"                   Hips= 42" R Thigh= 26"                 R Thigh= 26" L Thigh= 26"                 L Thigh= 26" I totally got of course at the end of this week. Honestly, I had a good time, but the disappointment I had this morning was brutal. Saturday was the first day in 2.5 months that I over ate. The next morning I felt so horrible. Even today my body still hasn't recovered. Bloated, fatigued, no energy, you name it! I can't believe I use to eat like that everyday?! It's crazy what you start

I am so happy with this weeks stats! Just goes to show if you stick with your meal plan and work hard you will lose and get strong!  Week 8:                           Week 9: Weight= 195 lbs            Weight= 190lbs Chest= 40"                    Chest= 39.5" R Arm= 13"                   R Arm= 13" L Arm = 13"                   L Arm= 13" Waist= 40.5"                 Waist= 40" Hips= 43"                      Hips= 42.5" R Thigh= 26.5"              R Thigh= 26" L Thigh= 26.5"               L Thigh= 26" I lost 5 more pounds and a total of 2.5 inches! I hit my 30 pound loss mark! I am so excited to know I am just 20 pounds away from my first big goal! It's crazy! I decided I am going to keep doing this amazing meal plan and plan out this weeks food like I did last week, so I can continue to see the results I have been getting. This week was so much easier than week 7 or 8. Honestly, I believe it's because I took

So this month I decided to try JNL Fusions Meal Plan, and so far I am loving the meals! So I decided to alternate between 2 breakfasts, lunches, snacks, and dinners. That way my budget was low and preparing my meals for the week was a lot easier. My diet is based on a 1300 calorie diet, and these meals are for 1 serving. I thought I would share this weeks recipes with you, hope you try and enjoy like I am.  I have numbered them so you know all the #1's match and all the #2's match what I'm eating for each day. Breakfast #1-Frittata Ingredients - 5 large egg whites - 1 cup almond milk - 3/4 oz Parmesan, grated - 1 medium zucchini  - 1/4 cup sweet bell peppers - 2 tbsp onion, chopped - 1 cup strawberries on side Directions: In a medium bowl beat eggs and milk. Add cheese, zucchini, bell peppers, and onions. Mix well. In a medium skillet over medium heat, add egg mixture and cook for 5 minutes, then finish cooking in the oven on like 450. Have your strawberries on the side!  C

Well this week is better in the pounds lost than last week that is for sure! I didn't lose inches other than 1" in my chest from last week (anything lost there is fine with me). Here are my new pictures :)   Week 1: Week 8: Week 4:                           Week 8: Weight= 204lbs            Weight= 195lbs Chest= 42.5"                Chest= 40" R Arm= 13.5"                R Arm= 13" L Arm = 13.5"                L Arm= 13" Waist= 44.5"                 Waist= 40.5" Hips= 44"                      Hips= 43" R Thigh= 27 3/4"           R Thigh= 26.5" L Thigh= 27"                  L Thigh= 26.5" Remember I only have week 4 measurements I will forever regret not doing them day 1! I am halfway to my goal of 50 lbs though! I am going to be so strict on my food and exercise this month it's not even funny! Yesterday I decided to prepare my food for the week. This was the craziest experience ever, because I have never

I love this recipe cause it really is personalized to however you want it. My mom introduced this to us kids while camping, and I was re-introduced to it from my best friend Jenn. It is my hubby's and my favorite dinner! Here is my recipe I did: Ash's Hobo Stew Makes 4 servings, about 250 calories per serving. (May very if changed) 6 oz.  smoked turkey sausage (I used Hillshire Farms) 300 g.  Sweet potatoes 1 c.  Mushrooms 1 medium zucchini 1 bunch of asparagus (about 2 inches cut off ends) 1 c. Chopped broccoli 1/2 c. Chopped onion 2 garlic cloves (minced) 2 Tbs. olive oil 1/4 c. Parsley  Mrs. Dash seasoning to taste 1. In a big ziplock bag add all ingredients. (I love my Mrs. Dash so this time around I used the southwest chipotle to give it a little kick.) You will want to shake it all up in the bag until you feel it is coated nicely with everything. 2. Dump the bag in tinfoil or roasting pot and cover. I cook mine at 450 for abou

Well here are my stats for this last week. Let me tell you, as much as I say the scale is just part of the process it got a little discouraging not seeing that it went down.   Week 6:                           Week 7: Weight= 199lbs            Weight= 199lbs Chest= 41"                   Chest= 41" R Arm= 14"                  R Arm= 13" L Arm = 13.5"               L Arm= 13.5" Waist= 42"                   Waist= 40.5" Hips= 43"                     Hips=43" R Thigh= 26.5"             R Thigh=26.5" L Thigh= 26.5"              L Thigh=26" This was a tough week for me. This weekend was a blast but its where I fell apart. Remember in my week 4 weigh in when I said that I would go into binging habits if "I just had one". Well that's exactly what happened. Yep, one red vine turned into five with 4 handfuls of popcorn! You all might think I'm crazy for feeling this way, but with that

So some of you knew that I was doing a 30 day squat challenge... Well I finally completed the challenge and have my before and after. Still have a ways to go but holy cow there is a major difference. (Excuse my photography skills. My husband was sleeping and just decided to take them on my own.) I love SEEING my body transform! I really encourage people to take photos of them selves, although it may be gross or embarrassing at first, it is an amazing motivater and when you do start feeling discouraged you can take another photo to help you see that you really have transformed. Remember, the scale is only a small indicator of your success! How you feel, and how your clothes fit is the most important. Here is the challenge I did in case you want to do your own squat challenge!  Enjoy! I know I did. I even may do it again! -Ash

Oh my Lordy let me tell you how yummy this recipe is and I just made it on a whim! What you will need: 1 pound ground turkey 1/2 c. chopped onion 3 garlic cloves, minced 3 oz. chopped bell peppers Mrs. Dash seasoning ( I used garlic & herb and the southwest chipotle)  All I did was put all those ingredients in a bowl and mixed it up with my hands. I used the seasoning to my likening. You can put in as little or as much as you want cause Mrs. Dash doesn't have any calories or sodium. I split the mixture into 4 oz. patties. Then I cooked them in a pan until cooked all the way through. Roughly 290 calories for the patty. I decided to add mine to a bed of baby spinach and grape tomatoes, topped with a dollop of sour cream and sprinkle of shredded cheese which brought my total calories to about 340 calories. Soo yummy and filling! Enjoy! -Ash